Day 1

 He's coming home today!

He's coming home . . . today!

Those words ring with excitement and joy! My son is finally coming home after 2 months at an inpatient facility. 

A journey that started with so much hope, and ended in disappointment. 

After being kicked out of yet another school when his behavior became too much to handle, we opted for an inpatient placement hoping that the full time care he would receive would be what he needed to overcome his challenges with functional communication and emotional regulation. What we learned is that despite his and the staff's best efforts, a system or rotating caregivers could not provide the consistency he needed. In a cohort of kids with similar challenges, my son didn't find connection, but overstimulation. His doctor tried every combination of medications imaginable, but he experienced more side effects than success. His therapist truly attempted to build a relationship, but talking has never been my guy's strong suit. We saw bits of improvement and he had some good days, good moments, and good times, but overall we are not leaving with success, just progress.

If I had it to do over again I'm not sure I wouldn't make the same decision and still give it a chance. I'd go into it wiser, warier, and warned. While we had our frustrations, I don't think anyone was malicious or ill intended, the hospital was simply ironically really bad at communicating. 

I'm sure this experience shaped my son and changed him just like it shaped and changed me as a parent. We have stayed connected through weekly visits and a few phone calls, but we've spent 10 long weeks mostly apart afters spending most of 10 years always together. 

Today is the end of the school term for him and he'll be coming home after the end of year pep rally. We hope that the transition feels natural and the ending feels complete for him. While the actual circumstances of his leaving may be more complicated than that, we want him to come home feeling a sense of closure for his time down south. 

I have no idea what today will bring, how he will feel, how I will feel. Will he be glad to be home, confused by the changes, missing the routine he built and the friends he made? Will he be happy to see his sisters, pet his cats, and sleep in his bed, or will those things refresh old problems? Will our relationship be better because we are back together or fractured from the time apart? I don't know what to expect at all, but I'm glad that whatever comes, we will be facing it together.